BEAUTY

Around this time 3 years ago I got the opportunity to take part in Miss Leeds 2015. As I was driving to work this morning my mind wondered back to this event and where I was at that point in my life.

As I got up on the catwalk I realised that I had no message to share, I didn't think through my outfits I didn't really know why I was there or fully understand how to go about taking part in that kind of competition. I was in the middle of completing my PT qualification and still completely wrapped up in staying small and micromanaging everything that it is only some years later that I am able to take a step back and see this event for what it was. Not that I have a problem with beauty pageants but it was interesting thinking back on some of the reactions back stage when you name wasn't called out or you didn't make it to the final 10 then the final 3 or not win.

A phrase I heard a lot in the on stage interview process was 'It's such a privilege to be here' but was it really? We didn't earn our places in the final by doing anything particularly credible, we were there because we were photogenic and attractive. As I sat there quietly in my corner people watching one thing became clear, many of the girls there were chasing their worth through their looks. There were tears and tantrums (not from all) and blame thrown around when names weren't called out and other were and I thought, is that the most important thing in life, being the prettiest in the room, winning a modeling contract and title. Is this our purpose?

I didn't win, but I came away grateful for having been given the opportunity to partake, it was a fun day and it was something outside of my comfort zone. But it is also something I know I wouldn't want to do again, a fashion show maybe, but justifying why I get to walk down a catwalk and why people should vote for me...no. Maybe I misunderstand the whole concept and that isn't what it is all about.

But I stand by the fact that we are so much more than the reasons we wear the clothes we do, we are so much more than why we deserve to win a title, we are so much more than the way we walk and pose. We are more than our bodies and how photogenic we are.

We are on this planet for such a finite amount of time, do we really want to spend it chasing recognition from the outside, basing our worth and value against others and when we don't quite measure up to punish ourselves for not being enough. At the end of the day we are all beautiful no matter what shape, size, colour, gender we are. We shouldn't have to justify our beauty because there shouldn't anything to compare it to, another woman's beauty is not the absence of your own, even if they win a title and get to wear a crown it doesn't not take anything away from you.