LOVING YOUR RECOVERY BODY

One of the scariest things about recovering from an eating disorder is accepting that your body is going to change and the fear of giving up control that comes with that, can be overwhelming. In surrendering to healing you are having to let go of a big part of you that made life bearable for so long. It is not a comfortable process. It is a time to be gentle with yourself and to love yourself a little more. I know how hard this is when you have spent the last how ever long tearing yourself to pieces feeling undeserving of love. It is a time to finally surrender and trust the process, trust that this is healing and your body could not be more grateful to you for respecting and nurturing it again. It will thank you in the long run, I promise. My entire eating disorder was focused on remaining small, small and insignificant because that was how I felt. I didn't want to be small because of aesthetics or because I thought skinny was better, I thought if I was small I would take up less space, go about my life unseen therefore unjudged, yet I became my biggest critic. I grew to hate every part of myself both inside and out. My body was the one thing I had control over and so I took full advantage of that, it was controllable, changeable. How much easier and beautiful would life be, if we loved our bodies regardless of their shape or size? We are all made up of energy, we will change, we will fluctuate, we will adapt - if we don’t allow the flow, if we try and hold onto staying small, we will always retain that element of control, and with that hanging over us how can we ever be truly free? It's not easy loving your recovery body. But it gets better, everyday you learn to love yourself that little bit more, both inside and out. Your recovery body will not be the same as another persons and your recovery weight will be different to someone else. Your healthy body weight will be when you can have a meal, choose the food you love and love you back, indulge a little without that nagging guilt or fear you've been experiencing for so long. Without trying to make up for it the next day by starving yourself or with a double workout, without worrying about the calories in the food you're eating, when you no longer classify foods as good or bad and when you acknowledge the foods that make you feel amazing and foods that really don't. Little reminders I found helpful and am sharing with you to take on your healing journey... You are not 'getting fat' and you have not 'let yourself go' You are and will always be beautiful no matter your body's shape or size No body is less worthy than another You have just as much right to walk on this Earth as anyone else who is here Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you are feeling and act accordingly What you see in the mirror is only a part of you Your body does not define who you are Your body is your greatest teacher Surrender to the process and learn to trust that you don't have to control your weight in order to feel whole and complete. Open yourself fully to the freedom that comes with giving up the scales and the diets and the restrictions. Love yourself healthy, listen to your body, dream big don't stay small.