HEALING A BROKEN HEART

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

C.S. Lewis - The Four Loves

I don't often talk about subjects related to the heart, I am not over comfortable opening up about this subject and I am far from being an expert in this field. But part of this journey I have embarked on is to heal these parts of myself I have left to fester. I know prior I didn't think too much about my heart but suddenly it is all I can think about because right now pretty much everything sucks.

The intensity of the attraction, the depths of the desire, and the power of the passion the comes with love are simultaneously exhilarating, intoxicating and terrifying. Tremendous courage is needed for that vulnerability of opening up your heart, body and soul for love. When that love is not reciprocated or sustained, it can be devastatingly sad. Heartbreak can leave you feeling turned inside out.

It's so important to allow yourself to experience every emotion that comes up. Examine where it's coming from, and how it stops you from moving forward. I have spent years ignoring this pain, the advice those people close to me have given and continued on my little path of self destruction. It is only recently that I have realised that you can deeply care for somebody and still know deep down that they're no good for you.

It is true what they say, it takes time, there is no magic pill or short cut to healing the pain. Pain is not the injury, it's the symptom. I am learning to no be afraid to look in the wound, I can admit it's an uncomfortable process, but if you can’t face the inner-workings of your own heart, who can?

You have to accept the fact you hurt by accepting YOUR hurt, the unique source of despair, loneliness, fear of not being enough, co-dependency, or rejection. Maybe the heartbreak caused them, perhaps they were there before. Navigating the path of acceptance is often not a walk in the park. Don't rush through the hard parts, shy away from or numb yourself from the pain, in the long run it just makes it worse and drags out The journey.

My love was an unhealthy one, it came from a place of need. It was selfish and had no boundaries. It was a drug, used it to boost my lack of self-worth. You can’t make anyone love you, never mind how much you give, or try to mold yourself into the person you think they want you to be. I blurred the boundaries, I didn't walk away when I should have done. Right now I hurt, a mix of heartache but also shame and anger towards myself for allowing myself to get so entangled in this weird friendship with no boundaries, full of secrets, lies and emotional manipulation. But with hurt comes lessons and with lessons comes self-growth. Endings are opportunities for new beginnings, and that can be really exciting.

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.”

Elizabeth Gilbert

Remember, you are human, nothing will ever change that, no matter how many articles you read, how many yoga classes you take, how many times a day your meditate, or how many symptoms you try to cover up, despite the highest of intentions or capacity for denial, you can and you will be hurt again. Injuries are a great reminder that we are fallible and imperfect, that we are indeed only human. Healing a broken heart is not a one-day affair, but a dedicated practice and while true healing undoubtedly comes from inside remember, that this too shall pass, even if you can’t imagine ever feeling better.